At The Cliffs, we believe in dissecting the complex to make it simple. So I decided to take Sec. Napolitano's Wal-Mart video speech to explain it. My translation is in italics.
Or as MC Hammer would say…
|"BREAK IT DOWN!!"|
Hi, I'm Janet Napolitano, Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security. Homeland security begins with hometown security, that's why I'm pleased that Wal-Mart is helping to make our communities more safe and secure.Homeland security begins in your hometown, homeboy. Not at the border. Got it?
Wal-Mart hasn't had this program until now. But since the nation's largest retailer will do it, we soon expect all other businesses to follow Wal-Mart's lead and air a similar video, comrade.
If you see something suspicious in the parking lot or in the store, say something immediately.Be a good citizen and be fearful of others. Be suspicious of others. Treat all people as suspects. Besides, if the police were to try and collar someone merely on suspicion, then they'd be in trouble over that pesky civil rights thing. You on the other hand can call it in. This then gives police justification to violate the "suspect's" civil rights based on pure suspicion thanks to your call!
Further, we expect that there will be a lot of suspicious activity at Wal-Mart. There may even be an increased risk of terror at Wal-Marts since they are so staunchly anti-union. Or there's always that whole doom thing...
Report suspicious activity to your local police or sheriff. If you need help, ask a Wal-Mart manager for assistance.If you need help ask a Wal-Mart manager. Don't ask the police for help-that's not their job. Got it?
Thank you for doing your part to help keep our hometowns safe.
- Say something, but don't actually DO anything. Because you are subjects, not citizens. Subjects report. Citizens take action. Let the authorities handle this.
- We know that you evil, right wing, hate-filled, militia types still shop at Wal-Mart. We know that you carry your guns and may even purchase the occasional box of ammo there. You'll now run the risk of being a "suspect" for nothing more than walking through the sporting goods section.
- Oh and this will work out great in many small towns where the Wal-Mart put in a supercenter and promptly drove every other retailer in town out of business. Where else can you shop?
- "Our hometowns." Not "your hometown". "Our hometowns." Get it? It's not your town anymore, but their towns.
- After a few "suspicious" events at Wal-Marts in "our hometowns", the DHS will need to set up FAST screening and TSA style pat-downs to get in and out of Wal-Marts. Besides, once the collapse hits, you'll be thanking us for protecting your Wal-Mart-also known as the only store receiving any goods or food since all of that will be under government control.
- I earlier noted that Wal-Mart didn't have this snitch program before. On the other hand, Costco folks were so helpful in reporting a "suspicious person". Thanks to the tip, the police in turn were able to shoot Erik Scott (obituary) dead at the Costco in Las Vegas and all of America can now rest easy.
- The gnome told us where she thinks homeland security begins. She conveniently didn't tell us where she thinks it ends. Allow me to fill in the blank...
|Erik Scott, Suspicious Person|
April 23, 1972-July 10, 2010